So it's taken me over a month to finally post this but after talking to a few of my close friends and fellow competitors I thought it was only fair to be honest with myself and ya'll...
Looking at my life I am beyond blessed, I myself can't even believe all of the opportunities I've been given through fitness and the love and support I am surrounded by. However as we all have, I've been through quite a few storms (some if which y'all know about) but I'm still here and I'm still stand strong and still fighting. All that being said lets get real here cause I feel like I owe it to y'all to know the other side of my story... I have a huge problem with binge eating... Not had I mean have... Mon-Sun afternoon I'm great, I eat clean I train mean, I'm a poster child for the perfect healthy lifestyle. But every Sunday evening it's the same old story as hard as I try, I always find myself staring at an empty box of cereal or the bottom of the peanut butter jar.... I get my one cheat meal a week (which could be two if i didn't binge eat so bad) and i just don't stop i go crazy and eat everything in sight and hate it, I work so hard the rest of the week and blow it... I'm sick and
tired of 2 steps forward and one step back, or even 2 forward and 3 back some days... You would think being a personal trainer and doing 10 figure fitness shows in two years I could get a handle on my diet and do something about it wouldn't you? You would think I would know how binge eating is for you and how all the cardio in the world the next day won't "fix" it... Well guess what I do know and I preach it until I'm blue in the face but quite frankly I don't know how to fix it... Ive been fighting this little battle with myself for about a year now and i literally hate myself for it. I've tried having my weekly cheat
meal on a day other than Sunday and come Sunday night there I go again... I've tried eating only clean foods for my cheat meal (which is all I have at my house) And still I end up over doing it with the cereal or almond butter... To the point that I feel sick.... I've tried eating something really bad like doughnuts or cheesecake and I still over do it and feel even more guilty, I've tried eating a meal out and stopping there but the minute I get home I'm fixated on not eating more and always succumb to stuff my face as fast as I can... Trigger one: Sunday evenings (normally spent at my Mom's (I don't keep anything but clean food in my house)
My problem is normally peanut or almond butter so I tried giving it up for lent... The first peanut butter free Sunday, no peanut or almond butter... I instead as hard as I tried I ate too candy bars (small ones, not miniature but small...) now I haven't eaten a whole candy bar in years... I mean years... But for some reason I ate two... Since then it's been chex mix, cereal (organic cereal with unsweetened almond milk, so healthy but a whole lot of cereal...) and s'mores (again with the candy bars)... not all in one Sunday but still it's bad... One more week until Easter and I can have peanut/almond butter again and still not even a bite so at least I can be proud of that. Trigger two: Peanut/Almond butter
I'm a problem solver, I like to figure out why; so as hard as I've racked my brain trying to figure out exactly why I binge eat the way I do I can't tell you. It could be stress, lack of sleep, emotional eating maybe something to do with my Dad's recent death, wanting to be "normal and eat normal food," or pressure I put on myself to look and act perfect, it could be my body lacking some nutrients (although I doubt this as I get a great variety in my diet working closely and constantly changing it up with my Cathy Savage fitness Coach who know about this little overeating problem of mine as well and has been a huge help) or about a dozen other factors or underlying issues. Personally I think its a combination of it all and I just psych myself into having a problem that I can't seem to fix (control issues??)...
I suppose the first step here is admitting you have a problem and after deciding I was going to write this little blog and talk to a few other people in the fitness world it seems to have helped a bit. Last Sunday my "cheat meal" was homemade protein brownies (recipe on under the recipe tab) a single serving of chex mix and 2 french fries and let me tell you Monday I felt great, not perfect, but for me great. I did also avoid my Mom's house since it seems to be a trigger as well and I knew there is all kind of goodies there (I believe eating clean is your own decision not anyone else's you shouldn't try to change their lives especially to accommodate yours unless they ask) but I can't avoid it every Sunday and I don't want to it just so happened I was busy making my protein brownies. I'm sure this little problem has cured itself overnight and I'm sure it's something I'll always be struggling with but at least now I know I'm honest and I'm not the only one trying to fight the binge eating battle.
The best advice I've got for any issues ya'll may be facing as well is: find your trigger points and avoid them and more importantly simply just talk. Talk it out, get it out, let it out... be honest with yourself and don't be afraid to admit your faults or wrongs, talk to someone a friend, a family member, a coach a teach a mentor a therapist whatever, heck even talk to something (yes I talk to my dog about problems from time to time) blog, write it a journal whatever, just get it out! Also, don't be afraid to ask for help it it doesn't mean you a weak it means your strong enough to admit you need help! Just let it out, it's just another step to finding your true self and loving the person looking back at you in the mirror every day!
Quote of the Day:
"It's not hard hard you fall, because it's inevitable, someday you will... And it's not just how fast you get back up... it's how fast you get back going..." ~Me